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Woody Allen

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Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate. Send til en ven
Death is one of the few things that can be done easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. Send til en ven
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? Send til en ven
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work -- I want to achieve it by not dying. Send til en ven
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in 20 minutes. It's about Russia. Send til en ven
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of boy next to me. Send til en ven
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead. Send til en ven
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. Send til en ven
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Send til en ven
If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips. Send til en ven
If you want to make god laugh tell him about your plans. Send til en ven
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. Send til en ven
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Send til en ven
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Send til en ven
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. Send til en ven
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. Send til en ven
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. Send til en ven
I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now. Send til en ven
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. Send til en ven
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. Send til en ven
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. Send til en ven
Marriage is the death of hope. Send til en ven
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Send til en ven
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. Send til en ven
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. Send til en ven
Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends. Send til en ven
Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind. Send til en ven
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. Send til en ven
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. Send til en ven
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one. Send til en ven
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep. Send til en ven
The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers. Send til en ven
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. Send til en ven
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only for food: frequently there must be a beverage. Send til en ven
You can live to a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. Send til en ven

Sidst Opdateret: 05-02-2017 13:15:30
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